[girl 1] The hardest problem first-year students face isn't moving away from home. This is for emergencies. Booze is not an emergency. Neither are edibles.
[girl 1] Or balancing our work and social lives. Hey, baby, no, I don't know how many guys are gonna be there.
[girl 1] It's trying to coexist with your roommate.
[boy 1] Spin the bottle, Cousin Edition!
[laughs]
[boy 2] Oh, Lord! Lord Jesus!
[pop music plays]
[girl 1] This is my roommate, Celeste. And this is me. If I seem traumatized, it's 'cause I am.
[screams]
Why'd you stop? Keep singing! I was wondering what the process is for switching roommates. Is that my bra and underwear? I'm having a problem with boundaries.
[screaming] I would appreciate if you didn't sit on guys' faces in my bed. That is an incredibly fair request. At the start of the year, you were inseparable!
[Celeste] We have IDs!
[both scream] ♪ It's so confusing sometimes… ♪ I'm not looking for just a roommate. I'm looking for a ride or die.
[group] Oh!
Devon, you need to take Alex home.
[girl 2] Yeah, he took something.
Did you give my brother molly?
You think I drugged your brother?
[tense music playing]
[phone rings] Hey, baby, I'm still at the party. I don't know. I don't know, 20 guys. Why are you mad at me?! Middle school, I thought high school was gonna work out.
Devon, wait.
Do you mind taking it? That's kind of brutal.
[Devon] High school, I thought college was gonna work out.
We're never gonna die!
[cheering]
No! What?
No!
[pop music playing] Honey, you're spiraling. It's gonna be amazing. You'll see. ♪ So confusing sometimes to be a girl ♪
[Celeste] You know what'd be my worst nightmare? If you'd immediately started stringing hundreds of tiny Polaroids.
With the twinkly lights?
So desperate!
[music ends]
It's cute.
[Celeste] Mm. Told you this shit was stupid.
