In Surviving Paradise, where you live — in a luxurious villa or in total, toothbrush-less squalor — is everything. But what’s a couple of days without basic necessities when you’re living in everyone else’s head rent free? 

During the series, a group of strangers compete to prove whether or not they deserve to win a $100,000 grand prize — and absolutely no one fights harder than Tabitha. The contestant, who identifies as non-binary, does whatever it takes to come out on top, making a few friends and even more foes along the way.

“I think I [fully understood the assignment],” Tabitha tells Tudum. “Other people were being too nice.” 

“I play a hard game, but, at the end of the day, I really do believe my purpose here on Earth is to help others and be kind,” they add. “I am one of the only people that actually played the game. I hope that I can still be seen for my authenticity, but I do have people back home that gotta eat.”

And while Tabitha might not have ultimately walked away with the grand prize, there’s no denying that they left their mark on Surviving Paradise forever. Below, Tabitha reflects on their journey, clears the air about their clash with Lellies, and reveals how they would’ve handled that final game-changing twist. 

Tell us a bit about yourself and why you wanted to participate in Surviving Paradise. 

I was born and raised on the east side of Indianapolis, which is a pretty rough area. I feel really drawn to my city and want to help establish more community, so I do a lot of DEI and nonprofit work there. I started this organization called Out + About, which was founded on this idea about creating safe and intentional spaces for the LGBTQ community beyond Pride Month that aren’t centered around alcohol. Since the show, I’ve also started working with Big Brothers Big Sisters as a volunteer outreach and engagement coordinator. I tie all of these things together that are really important to me right now to help build community.

I’ve always been very authentic to who I am and how I want to show up in spaces. I want this [experience] to be a catalyst for opening doors for non-binary people, and for more conversations around LGBTQ safety and inclusion. 

Heading into the experience, what type of game did you want to play?

I really do like gameplay. I’m a competitive person and grew up playing soccer my whole life. I went into the show pretty gung ho on the fact that friendship is not my priority. But to this day, I have formed some of the best friendships and support systems that I didn’t expect. Copan, for example, is going to be in my wedding one day. He is one of my best friends, and it’s so interesting because he was cast in very high contrast to the type of person or role that I play in society.

My goal was to make sure that I made it all the way to the end. Along the way, my strategy was to have these little alliances around me. At the end of the day, I knew that [the other players] weren’t making all of these little alliances, so they’d be voted out, and I wouldn’t have to actually save them. Losing sight of that is what made me very emotional, because I was making real bonds inside camp and inside the villa that muddied the water and the priorities I set prior to getting to the show. 

It was impressive to see someone play this game as hard as they could. 

I’m proud of the way that I played the game, but people who’ve never been in this position don’t understand how much you think about how you’d do things differently. I know in very specific moments how I would’ve changed the game to win. I was overeager to get in the villa and sometimes naive about having sway in the group. Overall, I really did form alliances and got myself pretty far. Sometimes, I was outsmarted and that’s okay. We’re all human, so there’s things that I would go back and do differently –– and I feel if I had done them differently, that I would’ve won.

Was your clash with Lellies in Episode 2 one of those moments? Why did that conversation get so heated and were your tears real? 

Every tear that I cried on that show was real. I’ve never faked emotion. That was a really, really hard moment for me. I was trusted to go into the villa and I felt like it was my responsibility to bring those toothbrushes back. To this day, I wish I would’ve. I was so conflicted in that moment that I had to take a breather. We even had to pause the set for a while. I think what Lellies felt was that I was trying to outsmart her, but I am just very good at communicating what I want in a way that makes it seem like someone else’s idea. I know that had I done what I thought I was supposed to do, I would’ve gone further and had more sway in the game.

Take us through the evolution and then the dissolution of your alliance with Aaron and Justin, aka Team TAJ. 

I went into Team TAJ very strong, and then I started having doubts about that connection. My doubts proved to be valid when Justin believed Alex over me without giving me an opportunity to speak — saying that I would throw Justin out of the game as a way for me to get back in the villa. But was I ever going to do that? Personally, I don’t know, because I didn’t know where my alliance still stood. If I could use that as a bargaining chip to get back into the villa and figure out how strong my alliance still was, then I could have made the best decision for myself. But [Justin] took it upon himself to put me in a position that would get me eliminated. I think that speaks volumes to the doubts that I had about that alliance.

Let’s talk about your elimination. What was going through your mind during the face-off with Gabe? 

In that moment, I had already made up in my mind that I didn’t want to be manipulated by Gabe, so whatever he could have said was not going to sway my decision. This world is run by people who look like Gabe, and it triggered me a lot to be in a position where another straight Ken Barbie doll has my fate in his hands. At that point, I was just done trying to figure out how I could outsmart or outthink somebody. I didn’t have space in my brain for gameplay because at that point I just wanted to rest.

I was tired. I had just climbed an entire mountain against a six-foot-something man. I was surviving off beans and rice that had no salt, no nothing. I really do think that it was the moment I needed to leave the game. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to face people that I thought were there for me, or make the most sound decision about how to react going back into the villa. I just feel like in my heart that was my moment to leave, and that is how it was supposed to play out. I just have to have peace in that.

Some people didn’t respect the type of game you play. How do you respond to those critiques and the perception that you were too cutthroat? 

Spending too much time thinking about how other people are going to perceive you is a waste of energy. As someone who is non-binary and presents more feminine on top of being biracial, no one really knows what the hell I am or where I come from. I’ve always had [to deal with] people’s perceptions of me and opinions about how I should be or take up space. That’s not my responsibility to comment on or manipulate, because if someone wants to believe the good in you, then they will. If someone wants to believe that you’re all bad, then they’ll do that, too. 

As far as how people perceived my game, did it hurt? Yes. But I can’t spend time trying to convince someone to see my worth, my value, and my authenticity. I’m going to focus on putting energy into those people who did see me for exactly for who I am and can even respect my gameplay, because they know who I am at my core. 

What was your reaction to Linda’s decision to split the money with Lellies? Would you have made the same choice? 

God, no. Literally, I cannot. So dumb. In that moment, I was like, “Are you kidding me?” You’ve been in the villa this time, so you can’t even blame that decision on being sleep-deprived or lacking your basic needs. I don’t get it. I wouldn’t have made that decision. I could have my best friend standing right next to me, and I still would’ve taken all the money for myself.

With some distance now from the experience, how have you changed, and what does your life look like now? 

After the show, you just fall apart because you’re like, “Did I do it right? Did I play too much game? Was I too nice? Did I show up authentically as myself? Is this going to come across too theatrical? Is this going to come across like I am bitchy?” A lot of people in my life, you either take me or you leave me. We saw that with Lellies. She was the “leave me” type.

I’m a much different person now — I’m just learning more about myself. When I filmed the show, I was feeling really confident in my non-binary transition, and I’m still trying to figure it out. The version of me that people see today is not the version of me they’ll see next year. I hope people can appreciate, respect, and hold space for the fact that I don’t have everything figured out and just be kind in that process. I’m not typically what the media paints as non-binary. I’m constantly evolving and finding out who Tabitha is. Lately, I’ve been pushing more towards going just by my last name, Sloane, because it feels a lot more non-binary to me than Tabitha does. 

Chris Baker/Netflix

In that case, who is Sloane today? 

Sloane is a normal person who struggles and deals with anxieties and depression. They have a family that’s dysfunctional and a partner who absolutely adores them and is just someone who is trying to figure out what their next step is and where and how to take up space authentically. That’s Sloane.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.