When I first started blogging about 10 years ago, I decided to title my webpage “No Idea What I’m Doing,” which seemed like a funny title for a daddy blog. People got a snicker when they read it, which ultimately was the point, but the reality was that I titled it that way because, sadly, I didn’t have a father growing up. So going into being a dad, well... I truly had no idea what I was doing.

So when I first started watching Stranger Things, I honestly couldn’t help but be drawn to the relationship between Jim Hopper (played by David Harbour) and every teen and tween in the show. I mean, let’s be real, the entire Stranger Things cast looks to Jim for advice on everything from navigating teen relationships to navigating the Upside Down and killing Demogorgons. He’s clearly the surrogate father of Hawkins, and, frankly, growing up as a kid without a dad, I was always on the lookout for Jim Hoppers. 

In Hopper’s relationship with Eleven, I saw my own frustrations with raising a teenager playing out on the screen.

My father left when I was 9 years old, and it seemed like I spent the majority of my teen years looking for father figures. And I found a lot of them in neighbors, teachers, scoutmasters, church leaders, bosses... really any dude over the age of 30 who was willing to give me advice. I clung to them as I tried to make sense of life without a dad. The lessons I learned from those fill-in fathers were lifelines as I tried to figure out who I was as a teen. They really influenced the kind of dad I am today. 

I can’t help but see that same need for a fill-in dad in Eleven, and it’s also pretty present in Jonathan, Will, Dustin and even Mike. 

Don’t get me wrong, Jim is no Ward Cleaver or Danny Tanner. (Honestly, could you imagine Danny Tanner fighting Demogorgans?) He’s brash, frank and at times hypermasculine. He makes mistakes, hits a lot of people and has a bit of a temper. Yet he’s exactly what’s needed to fight the Upside Down, and he’s got to be the most dedicated father I’ve ever seen. Looking back on the father figures that came in and out of my life, I feel confident that if any of them were asked to square off with a Demogorgon or a trained Russian killer to keep me safe, well... I’m sorry, but I just don’t see them fighting that battle with the same gusto and raw dedication as Jim Hopper. 

Hopper is the surrogate father the teens of the show rely on. Eleven refers to him as her dad for good reason.

Hawkins, and really the whole world, needs him. 

He’s the surrogate father the teens of the show rely on, and, most importantly, he’s the one Eleven refers to as her dad for very good reason. 

As someone who grew up without a father, watching the relationship between Jim and Eleven makes me feel a pinch of envy. Sure, they argue, and there was that rough patch in Season 3, no doubt about it. But dang, those two really love each other. It’s the kind of bond that I think anyone who’s lived without an active dad longs for, and it’s an element of the show that I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of. 

Hawkins, and really the whole world, needs people like Jim Hopper.

The craziest thing is I’m a father myself now, and even at the ripe age of 39, I still find myself looking for parenting advice from fill-in dads. I can’t help it. I’m still asking bosses, neighbors and church members for guidance as I navigate the unsettling feeling of having no idea what I’m doing as I raise my three kiddos. I love them very much but can’t, for the life of me, seem to figure it out. As I watched Jim and Eleven over several seasons of Stranger Things, I saw my own frustrations with raising a teenager playing out on the screen. And full confession — maybe, just maybe, I was taking notes. 

As Jim tries to be a better dad to Eleven, I can’t help but see myself. I don’t want to speak for every dad doing his best, but watching him struggle as a father felt like a breath of fresh air. It normalized the complex emotions I feel every day: loving my kids but never being quite sure how to be there for them in the ways they need — and feeling completely lost.

Does he handle all of these situations with grace? Not exactly. But oh wow, my friends, he’s trying, just like any dedicated father. It’s hard not to see his love for Eleven, a love that’s so present when the two reunite at the end of Season 4. I may not have any experience fighting Communists and Vecna, but the relationships, the struggle to be a good father — that I do understand. I found myself learning a lot from Jim, just as I have from the real surrogate fathers in my life. And for someone who often feels lost because he never had a dad, that’s a tremendous gift.